Merry Chrismas

The holidays are coming and to be honest –not my favorite season.
A couple of years ago while having an extended pity party, I decided I would not participate in the holidays. I proclaimed to my family and friends that I was going to be Jewish that year……My mother was not amused. So, since that plan was not going to work for me, I decided to schedule a surgery that I had been putting off – three days before Christmas. My sister drove up from Dallas to be with me. She brought a little Christmas tree for my my hospital room and spent the following week sleeping on a fold-out chair. The surgery had ended up being more involved and it made my hospital stay much longer. On top of that, a blizzard came and snowed us in. My sister ended up completely missing Christmas with her family. But, in our own weird way, we had fun. Let’s face it – I was delirious and from what I gather, ended up being quite entertaining.

So…my sister got me through Christmas that year. And, I know that I can never repay that kind of selfless gift. A blender would just seem trite.

Abstract Floral

A Good Place

I believe we all go through growth spurts. Just like a plant we need nourishment, sunlight, and good surroundings. And, when we aren’t in a good place, we simply can’t grow. I’m in a good place….and hopefully growing and changing. It’s never too late….to become what we were meant to be. I painted the above picture, part of my growth :)

Ashes

Say Cheese

Last week, my art instructor assigned our new project – a painting based on a self portrait. He suggested that it be better quality than a candid photograph. “No facebook photos” he said.

So, faced with the choice of having an awkward photo session with a friend or relative, I decided I would have an awkward photo session at a portrait studio. Because I didn’t want to spend much (or any) money on the photo, I went to an inexpensive “studio” nearby.

When I walked into the studio, it was apparent I was in a children’s portrait studio. I asked the young woman at the front desk if they often photographed adults, and she assured me that they did (liar). So, she ushered me through the waiting area filled with young parents and children, to the room where the session would take place. There was no door…. "Where’s the door?” I asked. “No door,” said the girl. “So, the people in the waiting area are going to watch?” I asked, puzzled. She replied, that I should just ignore them. “Uh, okay”, I said, just ready to get a photo snapped and be done.

I looked around and saw large props such as pumpkins and building blocks, feather boas and miniature fireman hats. My sillier side was tempted to just grab a big pumpkin and say cheese, but I decided to put that idea out of my head.

The photographer (who was also the girl at the front desk….hmm) started asking me what backdrops I would like. “None” I replied. “Just black or white.” She looked a little frustrated and went to get her boss, who came in and explained that in order to provide the best possible quality of session, that we would have to use at least eight different backdrops. I assured them again I would require no fake library, or American flag. Finally, she began to take the photos. I cooperated for the most part. After a few snaps, she told me to lie down. “On the floor?” I asked. “Are you sure you have adults do this pose?” She replied that they always used that pose. (liar, liar, pants on fire) So, as I was lying stomach down with my chin in my palms, I replied, “No offense, but I really don’t think this is a pose for an adult, I mean I can’t see my 83-yr old mother doing this.”

Well, I finally relented and let them do their thing. They showed me the images afterward, and I chose a few I was relatively happy with. So, it would be a shame to not share them.

I should have worn the feather boa.

best laid plans....

A couple of days ago, I flew to Chicago for the follow-up from my recent surgery and to get started on the new clinical trial - a vaccine that would be created using my own cancer cells that were harvested from the surgery. The idea behind the vaccine trial was to take my agressive cancer cells and transform them into a vaccine where they essentialy kill off the body's cancer cells. I was excited. I had a plan. And, it was a plan that gave me immense hope.

So, what's the old saying...."the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry?" Yes. Our plan went awry. This morning at my appointment, the doctor said, "I'm sorry, but we could not create the vaccine from your tumor.....there were just not enough cells to make it." She explained that in reality, there were indeed enough cancer cells, but a significant amount of them were indolent. I was puzzled. "Indolent?" I asked. "You mean lazy? My cancer cells are lazy?" I was visualizing my cancer cells soaking in a bubble bath sipping on chilled chardonnay... Dr. W responded, "Yes, they are a little "lazy". We needed more active cells. But, the bright side is, that we know we can go down this path again, should your cancer continue to grow and become more agressive." Instead of getting caught up on how "cancer growing" would qualify as being "the bright side", I just asked her for Plan B.


Not only did Dr W come up with a Plan B, but she had Plan C, and then had Plan D in her back pocket. In dealing with this disease you truly have to expect the unexpected. In fact, you can count on it. And, as soon as the pendulum reverses its course and begins swinging the other way, you'd better jump on and ride. This pendulum could take you farther than you've ever gone before.

CTCA

A few weeks ago, I traveled to a cancer treatment center to check out the possibility of enrolling in a clinical trial. When I researched this particular trial, there were only a couple of hospitals offering it. I spoke to the University of Pennsylvania, but soon realized that the expense of traveling, etc., would be far out of my capability to pay - flying back and forth every week, etc.

The other facility was called Cancer Treatment Centers of America. They had a location in the Chicago area that was offering the trial. Plus...they would pay my airfare every time. -- I was in.

CTCA is very unique in its approach to patient care. When you walk in the hospital, you are greeted by staff who are falling all over themselves to make sure you are pleased. The only way I could describe it was a "Disneyland" for cancer patients. Except for enjoying Disneyland with my girls as youngsters, I'm not particularly a fan of the wonderland. And, being the cynical person that I am......I instantly put up my guard. By the time I left my initial consultation to go back to the hotel, I had an assortment of free gifts, a leather notebook, a bathrobe, a souvenier lanyard, and stuffed animal. I thought to myself, "The only thing missing are my Mickey Mouse ears."

Throughout the next several days, I met with my doctors and began the process of catscans, bloodtests, etc. They suggested surgery the following Monday, which would mean staying over the weekend. So, I decided I wanted to go into downtown Chicago to visit the Art Institute. I asked the concierge about catching the train, and he replied that they would have a car pick me up and drive me to the train station, and whenever I decided to come back to the hotel, they would be at the train station waiting for me.....and indeed they did. Hmmm.....I was beginning to lower my guard. I mentioned to my doctor that my brother would be flying in for the surgery, and moments later, they had a plane ticket reserved for him. Now that was impressive.


So, as the story goes, I had my surgery and as an inpatient received the best care I've ever had (and I've had a lot). I will return to CTCA in a couple of weeks to begin my treatment. And this time, there will be no cynicism whatsoever...

Now, where did I put those Mickey Mouse ears?....