Second Spring

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.
Albert Camus

When I was younger, I relished the change of seasons, especially the turn of summer into fall. Now, when I feel autumn descending upon me, it is bittersweet. Perhaps this is what one experiences as they get older. The change of seasons signify that life continues to move on and the years come and go more rapidly it seems.

And, the change of seasons always stirs within me a sense of nostalgia...the beautiful memories made, and the heaviness I feel because all I have are the memories.

But, with all that said, when I step out into the crisp autumn air, I still have this impermeable sense of hope. If I have learned one thing through my many autumns on this earth - life is what you make it.

So when I look down upon my crusty old leaf.....I still see a flower.

Here Kitty Kitty

I am considering entering into a commitment. In the past, I'm sure I should have taken more time and forethought when entering a relationship. Therefore, I am still dancing around the idea.

So, as many people do when they are looking at the possibility of a relationship, I looked online. There is a local humane society who lists different pets who need to be rescued from a shelter. I came across the profile of "Baxter" the cat. Baxter's "dislikes" are loud noises. His "likes" are eating, sleeping and being scratched. We just may be a match made in heaven.

I told my sister on the phone that I was considering adopting a cat. Understandably, as with some of my past relationships, she was not too pleased. "Well, you could at least get a pet that we aren't all allergic to" ... She lives in Texas.

So, disregarding my sister's advice, I met Baxter this afternoon. I grabbed a cup of coffee and went to the shelter and parked myself on the floor in front of his cage. He purred a little. Mostly, he napped. I think he likes me.

I will continue to give it a little more time before I turn into the "eccentric woman who lives alone with her cats" - But wait a minute - I hear something......I think I can hear my sister sneezing all the way down in Texas.

Here kitty kitty.....:)

I Hope You're Hungry

In a person's lifetime, there are ups and downs. I have noticed that when I am in my "downs", I tend to get......creative. As a youngster, if I had bad days, I would play the piano endlessly (not my scales), and that seemed to be my outlet. In my adult years, I turned away from the piano and tried other "artistic" endeavors. There was the summer that I painted flower pots. Lots and lots of flower pots. Then, when I was going through my divorce, I made beaded necklaces.....lots and lots of beads. A few years back when I discovered I had cancer, I spent the following weeks in my living room on my sewing machine making purses.

To be honest, most of my creations looked as though a middle school student in home economics made it for a class project. My poor mother still has colorful flower pots sitting empty in her garage....and spare bedrooms. She also has a jewelry drawer full of my necklaces and still proudly wears them as if they were something from Tiffany. I'm pretty sure she has a limp purse that I designed that she carries from time to time.

I'm going through a little blue spell which I'm sure will pass, but it has caused me to start up a new project - baking. This absolutely makes no sense, especially since I have been on a diet. Since my mother is hours away....that only means one thing - I will be trying out my creations on my brother's family who lives nearby. All I can say is - "Guys, I hope you're hungry."

It's Not About the Cookie

I decided to diet a few weeks back and made an appointment with the local Jenny Craig. Basically, the plan is that you buy all of your food and snacks from them and you drop the weight. And, the weight does come off, but the food is pricey. The consultants eagerly try to sell me additional items that will "help" me in my weight loss plan, but I repeatedly tell them no...that I am on a budget and will only be buying the food. And, in the past weeks I have been successful in losing weight.

Yesterday, after weighing in, etc., the consultant handed me the menu for the upoming week. I made a couple of changes....tuna instead of chicken,...blueberry muffin instead of banana, etc. The consultant, who was happily tapping away at the computer inputting the products I was purchasing, said, "And, what kind of cookie do you want?" I replied, "Uh, I'm really am not a big fan of cookies. I think I will skip the cookie this week." She smiled, and said, "No, you have to have a cookie Ramona. What kind of cookie shall I put down on your menu?" I again replied, "I'm really not wanting a cookie of any sort this week. I will just have an apple that day instead." She frowned and then said again, "I'm sorry, but you have to have a cookie. You will be missing valuable nutrients that day, if you skip the cookie." Then she smiled eagerly and said, "What kind of cookie may I put down on your order?"

At this point, it was not about the cookie anymore. I firmly said, "I am not going to have a cookie this week. I'll just take my chances in living without a cookie." She replied, "May I ask you why you are so opposed to our cookies?" I said, "I just don't want one. Are you suggesting that if I don't get a cookie, I will not be able to buy my week's supply of food?" She stopped for a moment, frowned and said...."No....you can still buy your food." I then said, "Okay. Great!" Without a moment's hesitation, she said, "So you want the cookie?" ..... "No. No cookie" I said.

The consultant went to the stockroom for the food and came back with my order. I looked into the bag and saw the cookie with the rest of my food. I pulled it out and asked her why it was in my order. The consultant replied, "Oh, that must have been an error. I can remove that from your order, or would you just like to go ahead and purchase it since it is already rang up?".... I said "no" to the cookie once again.

So, clearly this was never about the cookie. I felt as though I was being manipulated by sales tactics into purchasing something I didn't want, and she was intent on selling me that cookie. I don't know. Perhaps she was really wanting me to stick to the menu and not having a cookie was going to throw my entire week off the plan and her intentions were genuine. Even now, there may be a big note on my client file that says, "WARNING - DO NOT MENTION COOKIES!!!"

I have already decided that next week, I will just go ahead and take the cookie. I may even tell her that I've decided I want TWO......that'll send her into a tailspin.

It's never just about the cookie. :))

The Impasse

I watched a documentary the other night on a polarizing social issue in our country. There was a video segment of one group that was in favor of the issue meeting the opposing group in front of the city's capital. "Okay." I think. "This is good. They are coming together to try to come to an understanding, to coexist." Seconds later, the opposing side starts shouting, mostly through bullhorns at the other side. In response the other crowd shouts back. Everyone is extremely emotional and crying, and obscenities follow. No one can hear the other side, nor do they want to. They just want to be heard themselves.

And, that is human nature...when it comes down to it, we all just want to be heard. Not just the crowds on the street, but anyone whom suddenly finds themself on the opposing side, shouting, trying to be heard above the other's voices.....My guess is that no one came away from this meeting with any sort of enlightenment. In fact, it probably just produced more contempt.

I don't know what the answer is when we find ourselves on opposite sides of an impasse....Perhaps we could just put down our bullhorns and listen.

My Pet

I'm up before dawn. I couldn't sleep at all last night because my pet kept me up. I have never been a "pet person." But, as with a lot of pet owners, I didn't seek out the pet, it just kind of came into my life one day.

My pet is the proverbial elephant in the room. I acquired this elephant a few years ago. When he was left uninvited on my doorstep, he was untamed and dangerous. I was terrified that he was going to kill me in my sleep. In fact, I was warned several times that he would eventually overpower me and to be prepared for that fate. But, over the months, and then years of having this elephant by my side, he has settled down, almost tame. He has mellowed. I have mellowed. There have even been times that I have climbed upon him and he has taken me for a ride to give me a break from leading him around, from room to room.

We have an understanding, this elephant and I.

I respect him and take very good care of him, and in return he leaves me alone......for the most part. I do occasionally have to take him in for a checkup and he gets a shot. So, the following couple of days, he is uncomfortable and since our relationship has mellowed some, I usually give in and let him crawl into the bed with me for comfort. It is not easy sleeping with an elephant and that is why I am up this morning at dawn.... It was a restless night.

I Swim

I took swimming lessons as a child, along with my siblings and the neighborhood children. We attended day after day, week after week. I learned the techniques and all of the strokes. Even though I had the knowledge, I never swam. I was afraid.

As time went by, I watched my friends jumping in the pool and diving from the board. It looked like so much fun. But, there I stayed ...clinging to the side. Even as I grew older, I considered taking lessons again. Perhaps as an adult, it would make more sense to me and I could let go of the fear....but I didn't. I became content to never go into the deep.

When I had children, I was determined that they would never be afraid of the deep. I took my girls to swimming lessons early on. It was a great relief and pleasure to see them swimming and enjoying themselves. But my fear would often grip me and at times when we were together on the lake or at the ocean, I would remind them of the dangers and ask them to stay on shore or in the shallow part.

Two summers ago, when visiting my sister, I found myself at her pool....once again looking into the deep. I dove in. It wasn't graceful or without fear, but I did it.

And, now I swim. I swim in the deep and wonder why I clung to the side for so long.